on a Saturday..

On Saturdays, i invariably find myself in a mood to write...
invariably...

why , God alone knows but the fact is that a Saturday almost invariably provides me with the chance of writing out my thoughts...putting pen to paper...or rather fingertips to keyboard..

what is the perfect recipe to make a writer? what ingredients go in to make up a person that can give shapes and forms to our hopes and aspirations, our deepest desires and attitudes, our feelings and perversions, our dreams and our manifold fantasies....what person can put down into words what all of us see, hear, say, want, think, feel, do, suffer, debate, reject, agonize, vilify, protest and support, live and die for...what people bring all this to life through their words?

...there is a certain feel about a saturday that makes me like it better than the rest of the days in a week...
and that is the feel of ennui....

of languor, ... boredom...

weariness of the world.

Relaxation... and Peace.

on which other day can i feel like this?

on all other days i have to live a certain way.
on all other days i have to remind myself to do this, to do that.
on all other days i have to pump myself up for the battles ahead.
on all other days i must fight to exist, must battle to survive.

but on a saturday, i just laugh at all this and be.
i just Be.
i just let be.....

i just like that.

and i really am just like that.

when do i wake up, when do i sleep?
damn all the work and all the appointments to keep.
i am lost in my world and i'm lost in my dreams
i am a part of this world, not the one that seems.
everything is an illusion . or maybe not.
my joys may be imaginary,.. or not.
when i grieve, it can be real, or self begot.
on a saturday, i am simply happy with my own lot.

Ennui. not laziness. not brash idling. just a calm sense of being, a feeling that things are as they should be and that true enjoyment can be found only if one learns to accept and be at peace. when one learns to observe and listen and sense that this world of ours is talking to us. our Gods and devils are talking to us. Our angels are guiding us in our paths. our temptations are not evil, only helpful in our explortion of the Self. that we are all united and yet each have our own paths to choose, our own destinies to follow. each of us has the power to do and alter the course of our lives, and the lives of people around us, but each of us is also simply fulfiling our pact with God, by which we give shape to his grand design. we are the doer and the done.

on a saturday, i find it impossible to ignore the sights sounds and smells that hitherto went unnoticed thru the week. On a saturday i have memories coming back to me, recollections of old times and friends and people whom i knew. i have visions and dreams which i know will be real one day. i enjoy a quiet feeling of confidence.. that all this has a meaning. somehow, my existence was not a fluke of nature, that it was willed.. by me and beyond me. that i am really peaceful. that in reality i am happy.
on a saturday i slowly realize that the world is a beautiful place to be in.
and i smile.
and then decide to write.
to write just for pleasure. to write just for God,..and just for myself.
to write just for me.
to just write.
just TO... because i have to.

HAPPY HAPPY DAYS TO ME...

HAPPY HAPPY TIMES TO ME...!!!
wherever i may be
climbing atop a tree
or with a bumble bee
or fumbling with a key
buying a purple Tee
sparring with Bruce Lee
inside a big melee
acting a bit silly
riding a young filly
dallying on the dilly
milking my goat Billy
feeling a bit chilly
chatting up with Lily
munching a green chilli
oh come on now really....

but HAPPY HAPPY TIMES TO ME....
come on now say it HAPPY HAPPY TIMES TO ME...

...ITS JUST YOURSELF WHOM U HAVETA BE..
SO COME ON NOW AND SAY IT FREELY
HAPPY HAPPY TIMES TO ME....

...HAPPY HAPPY TIMES TO ME....

...write a lil happy rhymeeeeeeeee......
heehee heehee heehee heehee heeeeeeeeee.....

... u know, there's so much that goes on inside my head...
voices, noises...some subtle, some boisterous...
its like so many so many people resided in my head
that make so much sound that i wonder what they are all up to
...and do i know them all.. even at all?...
why is there so much commotion inside my head?
that i am unable to control myself despite me
that i cannot comprehend my inner self
that i cannot manage the several voices that cry out at the same time from deep inside me..
why do i cry like this?
outwardly it is so still so serene and calm and peaceful
and inside it is a boiler rrom of emotions that threaten to spill out the disastrous energy that lurks within the deepest recesses within my soul
like some dark cavernous route taken by hot boiling lava that spills forth from my guts and erupts in adevastating show of courage and fury...
courage and fury how cynical and hypocritical it is and can be so hilariously hilarious..
i mean what kind of neo modern poetry is this that i am writing on this moment now..
how???
i never felt like this before...
what u are hearing is what i am hearing my mind speak to me via my leaden fin gers that draw a window to my soul wherefrom u peer inside the being that is me...so shrouded within deep blackness that i wonder if he, the real me, ever saw the daylight that i feel on my skin and see with my eyes...
oh what is all this that i am doing..?...
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
that felt better...
oh that felt great, the relief was just oooooooooooohhhhhhhh so oo enormously rtelieving and relaxing
Relaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx...............................
breathe easy my friend...my lonesome handsome baby friend....
you who i know are there and one day will be me..
but till then let me begin this charade once more, more longer than before...and continue dwelling the way i did till a few moments ago...
strange that i feel so very peaceful now that i am so empty... i feel rejuvenated and hey...
may be i could just lie down and be...
i am losing my clarity...
again...there will be again..'until next time
bye myself...bye.