on a Saturday..

On Saturdays, i invariably find myself in a mood to write...
invariably...

why , God alone knows but the fact is that a Saturday almost invariably provides me with the chance of writing out my thoughts...putting pen to paper...or rather fingertips to keyboard..

what is the perfect recipe to make a writer? what ingredients go in to make up a person that can give shapes and forms to our hopes and aspirations, our deepest desires and attitudes, our feelings and perversions, our dreams and our manifold fantasies....what person can put down into words what all of us see, hear, say, want, think, feel, do, suffer, debate, reject, agonize, vilify, protest and support, live and die for...what people bring all this to life through their words?

...there is a certain feel about a saturday that makes me like it better than the rest of the days in a week...
and that is the feel of ennui....

of languor, ... boredom...

weariness of the world.

Relaxation... and Peace.

on which other day can i feel like this?

on all other days i have to live a certain way.
on all other days i have to remind myself to do this, to do that.
on all other days i have to pump myself up for the battles ahead.
on all other days i must fight to exist, must battle to survive.

but on a saturday, i just laugh at all this and be.
i just Be.
i just let be.....

i just like that.

and i really am just like that.

when do i wake up, when do i sleep?
damn all the work and all the appointments to keep.
i am lost in my world and i'm lost in my dreams
i am a part of this world, not the one that seems.
everything is an illusion . or maybe not.
my joys may be imaginary,.. or not.
when i grieve, it can be real, or self begot.
on a saturday, i am simply happy with my own lot.

Ennui. not laziness. not brash idling. just a calm sense of being, a feeling that things are as they should be and that true enjoyment can be found only if one learns to accept and be at peace. when one learns to observe and listen and sense that this world of ours is talking to us. our Gods and devils are talking to us. Our angels are guiding us in our paths. our temptations are not evil, only helpful in our explortion of the Self. that we are all united and yet each have our own paths to choose, our own destinies to follow. each of us has the power to do and alter the course of our lives, and the lives of people around us, but each of us is also simply fulfiling our pact with God, by which we give shape to his grand design. we are the doer and the done.

on a saturday, i find it impossible to ignore the sights sounds and smells that hitherto went unnoticed thru the week. On a saturday i have memories coming back to me, recollections of old times and friends and people whom i knew. i have visions and dreams which i know will be real one day. i enjoy a quiet feeling of confidence.. that all this has a meaning. somehow, my existence was not a fluke of nature, that it was willed.. by me and beyond me. that i am really peaceful. that in reality i am happy.
on a saturday i slowly realize that the world is a beautiful place to be in.
and i smile.
and then decide to write.
to write just for pleasure. to write just for God,..and just for myself.
to write just for me.
to just write.
just TO... because i have to.